Tinder Implicated In Zombie-creating Virus Outbreak

by Tinder Corporation, 29th September 2015

OFFICIAL STATEMENT

 

With reference to the recent media reports implicating Tinder Corporation Ltd as the source of a new virus capable of turning humans into flesh-hungry Zombies;

 

The management and owners of Tinder Corporation would like to take this opportunity to fervently deny all knowledge, involvement and indeed liability of any such virus creation or outbreak, in any form whatsoever.

 

Our research into computer virus technologies, their detection and elimination is always carried out in a controlled and safe environment, in keeping with our strict corporate guidelines.

 

Any suggestion that one of our control viruses was accidentally mutated by a warehouse fire is simply unfounded.   The fire at our warehouse was actually a staff safety training exercise and was completely under control at all times!

 

With regard to the alleged movement of large “body disposal bags”;

We can only assume that the source of this allegation witnessed our cleaners removing body-shaped recyclable materials, generated in the course of our normal anti-virus research activities.

 

Tinder Corporation Ltd is an ethical business that always strives to achieve excellence in its field, with a proven track record for doing what needs to be done to get the job completed.

 

All and any further communication on this matter should please be passed through our official legal team.

 

 

Prepared & Released By;

Mrs. J Whytelie LLB

Legal Representation acting on behalf of;

 

TINDER CORPORATION EXECUTIVE OFFICE